Hey guys long time no rant! I know it’s been a while since you got a post from me. Yes I hate writing and I always have to force myself to do it, but I am trying to change that. The other reason is because I haven’t had much time to write anything. I know a few times on the podcast I had touched base about games going all easy on us nowadays and me bitching about it. Well as you know if you listen to the show my lovely Fiancé bought me an NES, SNES, SEGA, and N64 for Christmas. Along with the games we all grew up with, I want to rant about how we as gamers have gone soft over the years.
Back in the day I remember when I could play Super Mario Brothers or Gradius and get pretty damn far in them and even complete them. Now when I turn either of them on, I almost always, Not all the time, lose a life on the first level, in Gradius I couldn’t even get past the part when the volcanoes puke rocks at you for 1 minute. Now don’t get me wrong the game isn’t easy by any means but I have been playing Side scrolling shoot me ups for years, and I swear I have gotten worse at them. This made me think. Have I really gone soft on retro games after all these years? The answer was YES! Next I put in Paperboy, this game used to kick my ass back in the day and well it kicks my ass just as good as it used to but worse! Running away from crazy old ladies with rolling pins and pissed off dogs just never gets old, but my old fingers couldn’t get me away from them half the time. What is wrong with me, why do I suck so bad at these retro games? When I was younger I played my Nintendo so much that I had gotten a HUGE blister on my thumb, after seeing a doctor and him lancing it, the blister was named Nintendoitis. So yes I was a huge gamer and I know my shit, wow do I feel defeated playing these games now in my mid 30’s.
I feel that throughout the years these newer games have changed our diapers, gave us our bottle, and held our hand. I can’t even remember the last game I played that didn’t have a tutorial. Tutorials to show me how to jump? Are you freaking kidding me? I better give up on games if I can’t figure that out. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand some new comers may need this info but seriously… What new player is not smart enough to figure half of this tutorial crap out? The only time I am actually happy to see a tutorial Is when a new game mechanic is introduced to a game, that is when I happy to learn what I need to do to activate or do whatever it is it wants me to do.
Back in my day, games only gave you three lives with a limited amount of continues. Lose all of them and that’s it start from the beginning sucker! Re-learn those patterns and enemies so that you can fly through those levels you already had beaten. Just to get to the boss that has been kicking your ass all day. Newer games now have so many checkpoints it is pathetic and an unlimited amount of lives and continues. I understand games are now 90% longer than they used to be and these help, but give me the option to save wherever I want. Now you may have seen me stream Knack or even talk about it, with it’s long ass checkpoints, and I was most likely bitching about them, my defense to that subject is that those enemies were so damn cheap you had no defense and had to take it right on the chin. You know what that was me whining that I am used to these check points every 2 feet. If Knack were made back in the day we would have been OK with those long checkpoints and they wouldn’t have even phased me.
I say bring back med kits! Get rid of this screen turning red until I die bull crap and regenerating life! Bring back save points and screw those check points! Oh better yet! Bring back 1 mile long codes that I need to input to continue where I left off! Turn our generation and generations to come back into the bad-ass gamers we used to be. The gamer that used to sit on the floor in front of their tube TV staying up late at night to just beat that final level on Super Mario or Final Fight! I want to turn myself into that bad-ass gamer that I used to be, I know it will take time but I am in it for the long haul. I think it is time to get back on Super Mario Brothers and beat it, beat it without using any warp pipes or cheats! Turn into the gaming bad-ass I used to be!